The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! But I just don't know anymore. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. You have no opinion in this matter. iseeshiny 1. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. I attempt to avoid name calling, but youre not very smart. I DO think its completely absurd to be furious with someone else however when you become a parent after choosing to do the exact thing that can cause pregnancy. Nothing about that makes him a bad person. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. Really? Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? You see being nurturing as a weakness. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. We do know that the guy in question didnt use a condom (as you yourself pinted out elsewhere, LW would have def. We all know breakups are painful. She takes her pill every day at the same time. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! SpaceySteph He hadnt. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. 17. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. Oh thank you thank you thank you! What can you change? Your choice. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. Against it? Can you blame me for feeling this way? Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. Theres nothing wrong with casual sex. Also, at least here in this state, its not in any way an easy thing to get out of paying, and I think its relatively difficult to avoid paying child support unless youre essentially a transient or if the woman doesnt make much of an effort to get support. My boyfriend and I split up for two months. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. You seem to have completely missed the point that virtually anything we do involves risk, and that doing those things doesnt mean were prepared for any possible consequence at any time. Ill have mine draw up the paperwork for licensing fees. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. You sound awfully bitter to me. having sex with someone you dont know that well. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. AndreaMarie I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy How generous of you. Step away slowly. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. The sex was good. Steve Kellmeyer You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. No one called him a criminal. Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. Oh boy. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. You clearly didnt comprehend what you were reading very well. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. Life isnt fair. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. I agree with you, as well. She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. Yep. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. im not disagreeing with you. April 9, 2012, 7:09 pm. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments Even SCOTUS pointed that out. Oh no! He didnt. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. She trapped him? thats just dumb. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. Susie and Jimmy find themselves in the same predicament only Jimmy is thrilled because hes enlisting and being deployed overseas. Notwithstanding the fact that birth control sometimes fails, hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. It is duplicated below. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Paraphrased of course. The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. It was a vague post on my part Made even more confusing by the fact that _jsw_ was posting at roughly the same time and then his posted first. Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. So your boyfriend said he doesnt want anything to do with his own child (besides the child support) and you didnt run screaming the other way? Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. Do you have any other questions? so we have a 8mth baby. April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. Trap Red Flag #1. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. And hopefully people begin to realize that just taking the pill isnt an absolute gurantee that you wont make a baby. This is the set up for some serious melodrama. Privacy Policy. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Sex makes babies and every time you have sex you run the risk of making a baby. He might very well be an immature asshole. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. iseeshiny For anyone. You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. No one is forcing any woman to have the child and much less to keep it. Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. I think its the first time I am hearing someone smear another person for NOT having an abortion. But, in that case as well I would have told the woman to make sure in the future she better protected herself. You want some advice? And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. Its biology. So the law says, hey, you two created this child, you two are responsible for supporting it. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. SpaceySteph Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. That is really fucked up. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. That pretty much sums it up for me. Sorry. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. Then, again you seem a tad immature so maybe you deserve each other. He was there just as much as that woman was. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. Especially if ever precaution was taken (birth control, condoms, etc.). I meant post living with HIV that as a correction in that I left the with HIV out of my previous post. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LW? But you know what? Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. silver_dragon_girl Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? Dr. Sherry. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. This gets to the basic conflict. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. She has to go through a pregnancy no matter what (assuming she doesnt believe in abortion). Run as if your life depends on it because it does. He can just disappear forever for all I care. Thats the risk that you take. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. Let him go. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. One of the draw backs of only knowing someone for a short period of time. I mean for fuck sake? lets_be_honest 1. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. feelingroovy Run. Of. Hold the phone. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. That is pretty much it. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. You are too funny John. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. Not a double standard at all. Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. Well, the law is schizophrenic. Thats the difference. Addie Pray The child support goes to support the child. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. Abortion is a very personal choice and whether or not this woman chooses to have one is entirely HER business. You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? But it also tries to say that the man had a part in creating the child. female Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. We only have sex if were ready to be a father? You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). I think, Chuck, what she meant was that no one is forcing these men to impregnate strangers. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass. It has nothing to do with the man. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. April 9, 2012, 10:29 am. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. If he truly wants nothing to do with his child and is willing to pay his obligatory financial support, I dont think that makes him a scumbag, I think thats good foresight. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest I dont mean to gush but seriously LBH, I respect you and your opinions a lot on the matter and thanks for making me question my gut responses a bit with your candor! Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! Inc. Lee's Summit MO. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. lets_be_honest The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. I think this man, regardless his quality of character in other situations, demonstrates good foresight in deciding that no, hes not ready to be a father. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. lets_be_honest I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). =), lets_be_honest Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? Most guys will not pass up good sex and they . April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. Even if you wore a condom. Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. So what? Why he is scum but a woman who opts for an abortion or adoption isnt its beyond me. If the woman chooses to take on the responsibility of raising the child alone, she ought not have the right to force the indentured servitude (financial or otherwise) of the father against his stated wishes. You bet. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. Abortion and adoption are both horrifying thoughts to Susie but she has no choice. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I dont want to be too harsh on the LW because emotions are a messy messy thing and Im not at all eloquent when Im upset. CONSTANTLY. The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. 8 Red Flags that Her Pregnancy is a Trap. At least with adopted children, they usually have one or two great parents who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption. Hes responsible for the choices that brought him where he is now. 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. In my opinion, even if the baby turns out to not be his, hes already shown his true colors; and theyre pretty yellow. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. Dont force him to be. You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A Their choice, honey. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. So, let it be over. Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. I think we need to take a poll. Yes, he had unprotected sex. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. FYI first time posting but long time reader. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. As far as your relationship with him. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father.