Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? ", A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Keep your head down. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Here, have a carrot! Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. So, what are your thoughts? / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Your email address will not be published. Damn, girl. Golf?! Such is the game. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Drop some in the comments! Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. 22. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. If we . You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Toggle Navigation Menu . Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Another Ball in the Trees. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. They dont have the heart for it. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Wanna be my caddy? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. See you in the Email! Ben Hogan. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Wodehouse Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Its to move on. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Sunday Service. The Dalai Lama himself. "Golf is like a love affair. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. One minute youre bleeding. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. They expect to succeed! James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. They have been there where we are standing now. Andy who? Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Id cry too if I played golf like you. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Why do golfers hate cake? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Because he walked into the wrong club! And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Nothing. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. The fourth putt! After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Required fields are marked *. 3. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Which is the easiest golf stroke? 3. Drops him off at the golf course! 2. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Why dont skeletons play golf? An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Noah. Because her coach was a pumpkin. Required fields are marked *. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. In case he got a hole in one! Lee Trevino. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! 6. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? So I thought I should start a website about jokes. P.G. 3. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Sawdust City LLC. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Lee Trevino, 59. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. I'm Tiger Woods. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. Thats incredible. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". You look like someone who likes to swing. He was puttering around. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Your email address will not be published. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Whos there? That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. The battle that raged inside each players head. It will test your patience. Short Golf Jokes & Puns 1. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? I like big putts and I cannot lie. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Chip Shot. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? 9. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Fantastic 4-some. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. For true success, it matters what our goals are. In the Golf of Mexico! Knock, knock Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Required fields are marked *. Please add a link to this site. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. What is a golfers favorite bird? 20. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. Very interesting. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. 2. Whos there? Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. P.G. 3. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Do you know why the game is called golf? Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download.