", 25. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. They don't want to hear from you. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this week's reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. No other time but to see how human nature really shines, am I right? Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. They own everything. They don't want to hear from you . You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. "The planet is fine. ", 64. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. - Arthur Baer. September 12, 2019. And I didn't really care in the first place. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. You don't. You have no choice! "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. The great George Carlin once said in an interview that he divorced himself from concerns and problems from the world. The 1996 clip is being passed around on social media after this week's Supreme Court news. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. ", 119. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. they don't wanna know about you. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. ", 110. Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "It's never just a game when you're winning. How do school teachers handle this? George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. After that, they dont want to know about you. ", 102. You voted them in. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. The rights and the rights of property. ", 83. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. They will do anything for the unborn. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. Board Messages . 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' Its you. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. Keep your circle small. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. "Everyone smiles in the same language. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . The ID is used for targeted ads. Theyre not interested in that. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. Lobbying, to get what they want. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. ", 32. "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. Now I feel better. ", 10. When a . Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. A Death! Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. 02. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. ", 57. Next, honor thy father and mother. I'm your huckleberry. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. They want your fuckin retirement money. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. - George Carlin. ", 108. "It helps to remember this.. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. ", 72. From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. I don't trust none of them. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. ", 111. ", 35. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. ", 3. Theyre not interested in that. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. ", 59. They own you. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. I don't have to tell you my favorite comedian just like I don't have to say my favorite meal to tell the chef his food sucks. "There's no present. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. ", 29. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. They dont care about you at all. This cookie is set by Akamai. It takes up a lot of your time. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. They dont want to hear from you. 41. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. Thats against their interests. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. I'm used to dogs. Amen and Awomen. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. They should be more vivid. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. ", 5. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? Fascism won it. Nothing changed. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Never join a group that has a name. ", 124. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? "But what I want them to know is that Im thinking. The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. . The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. 234. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. Everybody's . Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Teach them to question everything. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? Broadly speaking. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ", 63. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. They own you. ", 8. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. They dont give a fuck about you. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. Politicians don't care about you. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! That's generally been true. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! "People are fucking nuts. This is what we have to offer. ", 81. ", 4. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", 89. "Bulls**t is truly the American soundtrack. Then you're just what they're looking for. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. The Monday night crucifixions! George Carlin. ", 23. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. ", 33. Elect me. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. He loves you, and He needs money! ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. ", 91. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. ", 112. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. The challenge is to find it. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. ", 41. "People are wonderful one at a time. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. Everybody says they suck. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. They own everything.. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. ", 13. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. Carlin is usually spot on. 28. r/antiwork. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. You have owners. ", 74. ", 10. They own everything. ", 68. Transcribed part of speech begins at 10.33 13 May 1999, National Press Club, Washington DC, USA This is an incomplete transcript made by Raven Developers . "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. ", 61. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Everybodys going to save something now. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. The table has tilted, folks. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. You don't. You have no choice. Take George Carlin, for example. F*ck Hope. Forget the politicians. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. From Life Is Worth Losing. This cookie is native to PHP applications. ", 87. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. ", 8. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. "I was a loner as a child. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). Everybody complains about politicians. You caused the problem. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. And they all vote. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! I think I need to show them that I have brought myself to a cleverer, smarter spot than they have.". Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. ' Avoid teams at all costs. They've got the judges in their back pockets. "How is it possible to have a civil war? ", 125. Weve added years to life, not life to years. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes".